Finally

Haven’t figured it out yet. Probably never will. The way to the airport is a long and straight road from our house. Until it just becomes a dead end with an open territory full of flights leading to uncharted worlds. Massive airplanes, reading company name’s that represent a country. Whether going back home, visit a new home, or tread onto exploring a place full of wonder and curiosity.

Finally parking and leaving the car with a spring in my step. “Finally!” I keeping thinking in my head. I’m going to the place that fills the missing piece of the puzzle. Not only with the people, the culture, but the short experiences I have already learned there from my past two visits.

The first time was more of an “all expenses paid trip to get the fuck out of a nightmare”. My heart had been shattered into pieces. It still boggles my mind how much shit I went through to get where I am now. Regardless of the details that occurred I had to flee a place that was a home for me that turned into a history book where there was a war zone everywhere I turned.

This destination wasn’t just any place. But it wasn’t ever about the destination more about the journey. During the trip I felt rejuvenated. It blew me away how one small city could hold so much diversity, integrity, and history. Shivering with the new weather, craving more intellectual conservations, and wanting to be part of a revolution that prided itself with education as a pillar to success.

On my way back home, I couldn’t help but realize the fact that a seed had been planted in me. A seed that would grow every time I would go back. That kept calling my name when I was feeling empty at home. It was an escape, it was an adventure. It wasn’t just a ride on a plane, but a quest. This quest, just like everyone has at one point in their lives, is one that doesn’t write a constitution or bylaws but keeps wanting more. Its indescribable.

After being home and dealing with the aftermath and expired war efforts from my enemy, I was stronger. I was just cattle that was branded by a dictator but was swinging on my own branch-“Finally!” Even though I was distracting myself with work and meeting new friends just like any college kid should, I still kept craving that land. Knocking on that door to please let me in again. Then I thought I could literally just pack my bags one more time and go. So I did.

But this time, because I went so impulsively, I tainted my experience.

I analyze guys in two ways, well in better terms, I fall for a guy for whether he’s great on paper or if I spark well with him. The guys are either really smart, intellectual, accomplished OR have personalities that I’m attracted to: outgoing, funny, and know how to hold a great debate.

On that side note, I flied up there one more time to try and hunger for more. I never listen to my brain though because I like scaring myself and saying “just fuck it.” I know what’s right and wrong. My conscious is extremely clear with decisions but my impulsive thoughts want trouble.

This time, on my way back, I had certainly grown the seed inside of me because I realized how much I was frustrated at home. Yet I tainted myself with decisions. I grew up.

At home, new semester, new campus: I saw it as an opportunity to give tropical, luscious, sun-filled city one more chance. One week into my newfound light in Miami, I failed. There was nothing more it had to offer. The titillating beaches got old. The nein lights and the drives to South Beach lost its flare. Yes, it was home but sometimes a routine you’ve been mandated to do for 20 years, loses it touch.

Living in Miami is like falling in love with someone that offers all the temptation and mild surfacing pains very secretly. Its enticing but at the end of the day, its empty. It reminds me of the war zone of a relationship I had this past year. On the outside it offers so much yet for only a temporary amount of time. Its like digging for the extraordinary in the ordinary.

This time I was visiting this “want to be called home” with my immediate family because I knew I had to get out of Miami and make sure leaving would be the right decision. Writing this on my way over and now on my way back feels like this really could be the next into my journey. Sure, its cold. Sure, its a difficult city to adjust to but that’s it. Visiting the college (university) that is my top choice, I tear up of how happy I am if I make it in there.

It’ll be hard to adjust and make new friends but it is an opportunity I am willing to explore. The classes will be challenging and it will be an entirely different curriculum but at least now I know I’ll be at a new home. Familiar and tailoring to the needs that I finally care about. Walking into a professional environment where students take that opportunity and use it hands-on with work experience and study abroad.

“Finally!” I was certain that I would be making the right decision to evolve into a more professional and enticing environment. This next step will change my life so drastically: I won’t be in the best in a mediocre town. trying nothing to succeed. I will push myself to be in a rigorous society, competing with students toward the same passion.

This had been the best visit by a long shot. This time it wasn’t to escape a warzone or distract myself with a guy. It was for me to finally realize what I wanted to do. What I had been waiting and hoping to do for so long would finally be completed. I got to explore the city myself and been given the freedom to do me. Not to see what my parents would’ve wanted me to do but to see what would finally make me joyful about doing what I love.

I’ve had my accomplishments at home but I feel like they’ve been handed to me. It sounds conceited to think “Oh! Its just so easy for me.” But I want to excel to the point where I know I tried my hardest.

Sometimes its not about what shows up on paper but whether or not you yourself tried your hardest to achieve perfection. We’ll never be perfect. We’ll never be the ultimate best in the world. But its never hurts to try.

Why not take that leap of faith for a change? “Finally!” will never be the last time you do but everytime you do, you know it counts for something.

I’m Back

Hey guys, I just switched my blog theme and I’m revamping the whole page. I’m going to focus more on who I am, the inspiration, and of course, Miami. What Miami is about and how we live Miami. Of and also the whole fashion hipster thing I’m getting into.

Anyways, since I haven’t posted for so long I wanted to talk about how life changes in the blink of an eye. Since then I’ve been getting accepted to different universities to transfer to, been focusing more on what’s in front of me, and living my life in the purest way possible. Purest meaning MY way. Someone’s opinion can change so fast because of so many influences: friends, family, classmates, enemies. Whoever it may be, people become stronger, become weaker, set the stage for a classic tale to unravel right before our eyes.

This time last year I was stuck. I was stuck in a world that I didn’t want to be in. A world that was someone else’s and I was just a factor of their seemingly “perfect” life. This time around I am me. Sometimes we shouldn’t base our lives around other people, even our family. We should just let go of anyone’s thoughts, opinions, or ideas just because we need to please them.

You might be a college graduate waiting for a job to roll around or maybe you’ve been single for your whole life waiting for the perfect guy to come along. Guess what? The more you wait, the more its not gonna happen. The more you let time pass by, the more you get consumed with the fact that you want something so bad but can’t have it for the sake of waiting. For me, I’ve worked on getting what I want, and getting it my way with no fine print.

Do what YOU want to do. And do it now. People these days get stuck with “fine”. With the ordinary. When in reality the more you strive for, you’ll be reaching for extraordinary. Yea, that sounds cheesy, but whatever. Its true. If you sit on your ass wasting away and cheating life out, you are NOT gonna get what you want…EVER. If you cheat life, it’ll cheat you right back. Sure, you can have your mainstream remedy at some times but get away from that and do what YOU want for a change.

Love isn’t black and white by the way. There aren’t any rules. If you’re in a relationship that seems fairly great yet you want more or you’ve met someone new there’s no reason not to change. Change the rules. Change your life. No one is a fan of change. No one wants to go through the motions of making something different out of the life they were given but that’s what makes life interesting.

It’s not about “fine” anymore. This generation is too fucked up to sit on their asses all day and expect life to just be handed to them on a silver platter by smoking weed and drinking their sorrows away. Life is about hard work. Life is about shooting for more. Working for “daddy’s” company after graduation is a lethal weapon to laziness. Be more. Be passionate about something. Don’t sit on your unearned money and expect life to be perfect partying away every night and living someone else’s life.

You were made for a reason. There’s already a Mark Zuckerburg and there’s already a Kim Kardashian. Please, we don’t need more of those. We need creators. We don’t need anyone more empty-headed millionaires. We need “rich” intelligence. We need deep. We need a control in this generation. We need ideas to flourish without selfishness and without some freak of nature drug implanted to spark up these ideas.

Live YOUR life. Work hard. Play hard.

GY

Coups De Feu Nocturnes

Late Night Shots

This post is just spontaneous and I really didn’t feel like writing one but now that I have this trend going of French titles I might just elaborate personally as to what I feel about a certain topic. And that’s life itself.

I go on Tumblr and I see photos of suicide and cutting and blood. It crimples me to see these photos and that people feel this way because every person out there is beautiful. In every single way. Every person has felt down in the dumps at one point or another, or heck, maybe you haven’t: good for you. But honestly, don’t you know who you are. You are more than the choices than you make. You are more than the life you create. Life is so damn precious. I see it every single day.

My cousin yesterday was telling me how trippy living is. How everything works. How feelings work. How every particle on this Earth works in every single way in tandem and we are part of that. We are not supposed to stop the nature of how life works. Guys, we are gonna get hurt. We are gonna feel down in the dumps sometimes but you know what, you prevail. Life isn’t a dark and shady place. On the contrary, you wake up to life and you see color. You feel alive. It’s a blessing that you are just breathing a breath. Don’t let your fire burn out because this world needs you.

Colors exist everywhere. Everywhere you see whether it be on your fingertips or in the clouds. The colors are calling you whether you are an artist or not. We paint our lives everyday with what we say, what we do, and how we act towards others. So trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve felt like you have, many times, but you look up and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though it might be dim and small, its there.

I had a friend of mine die in a scuba diving accident about four years ago and trust me, I was devastated. Probably the darkest and most confusing time in my life. I didn’t know whether to be mad at God or sad at the fact that she died brutally. Regardless, of what happened, my group of friends, her family, and I learned a lesson worth sharing: life is short. Life is precious. So live it out every single day. Life might be the most special gift given to us because we have the creativity to be who we are and make out mark on this world.

Its not about being on that edge and seeing people like ants on the road, its about looking up and knowing there’s so much more than one fall that ruins not only everything for you, but for the people around you. We are given a task, we are given, lets day, a mission while we are here. That is to figure out what your purpose in life is. I think her mission was to spread smiles to the world because her tenacity and vivaciousness spread miles! You could not help but smile when you were around Ginny. She just completed your day in the most free-spirited, beautiful way. Yet staying so damn humble.

You might have insecurities nowadays or revolving your life about being a failure. Well, guess what, just you being alive is an accomplishment. Just you loving someone and having a family is an accomplishment. Think about the little things in life. Isn’t about the little things. Someone once told me that and it really stuck. That it’s all about the small things in life. Waking up and smiling, its beautiful. Its more than enough to keep your day going.

Not because of what you’ve done but its because of who you are.

Now I call this post the late night shots because I might (or might not) have had a glass of wine with my parents before this. But also because if you are feeling this way you should have a late night wonder and consideration about your life. Think about the awesome things you did that day. Look forward to the things you’ll be accomplishing tomorrow. And remember, its not an accomplishment that you put on your resume or hand in to a professor. Its much more than that, and something that YOU have to determine yourself as YOUR accomplishment.

Take a shot out of life. Instead of that tequila shot your thinking about having to numb the pain, take a shot at life. Dance like no one is watching. Sing like you’re Beyonce. Laugh like every smile is worth a million. Live like you’ve never been hurt before.

Again, I want to make this clear, I am not a psychologist. I might not know what the FUCK I am saying about life but this is how I live mine. Or at least try. I know my life is a treasure and precious in every sense of the word. I look forward to every hour of every day and live by just one quote that I learned while leading retreats: Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me”. You might not be Christian or Catholic or anything for that matter but just know that you have strength to do anything.

As cliche and overly Catholic as this might sound, pray. Just think about your day. Don;t pray to anything. Just thank whoever you need to for your day and ask for anything you might want to pray for. It works honestly. And its very powerful.

Stay you my friends. Be who you are.

GY

RIP Ginny

This one’s for YOU.

Croiser Les Doigts

Why do we cross our fingers? Why do we pray for luck? Why do we have so many idioms and gestures that make no sense for luck. Does luck even exist? Walk into a lavish casino in Las Vegas, dressed up looking fly, have a wad of cash in your pocket that you plan on gambling. You feel lucky. Your aura SCREAMS luck. But what is this word “luck”?

Step up to the Russian Roulette, put your hands confidently on the table, without despair, take out your chips hoping to cash them in. “Place your bets”. The dealer rolls, your panting and you feel your heart almost beating out of your chest. “Man, I hope I get lucky!” you whisper quietly to your partner. As the balls rolls around the roulette as fast as cheetah, do those milliseconds contain luck? Was it meant to be?

“Success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one’s own actions”, with the help of Webster helped me define luck. Out of chance, out of fortune, do we roll the dice, place the bet, or roll the roulette endlessly? This, in life, happens all the damn time. We live out of luck or do we live out of reason? Does everything happen out of pure logic and on purpose? Seems like a complicated subject to tackle.

We’ve grown up with the four leaf clover, with Buddha’s belly, with a rabbit’s foot. Maybe hoping that these objects will bring us the luck we want. But honestly, luck is out of your hands and maybe life isn’t even controlled. Or is it? Is life rolling the dice or is it as strategic as playing chess against a wise man? These questions come up all the time whether we like them or not.

Why did I meet this person, for a reason or out of pure luck? It’s an intangible essence but I think its a mix of both. My friend died at a young age but that didn’t happen for a reason and it sure didn’t happen because of luck; it just happened. There are events that we maybe cannot accept or get mad at God for them happening but sometimes they are out of His hands and out of YOUR hands. We can cross our finger that maybe we’ll get the part of the school play or maybe that we might find the man/woman of our life: our soulmate. These things just happen.

But at the end of the day, luck could honestly be in your responsibility. “Luck is a loser’s excuse for not having a winner’s position…” You can have anything you want in life. I am a firm believer in that anything in your reach can be yours. Are you a nerd hidden in the corner of the class mesmerizing on the hot quarterback of the football team? If you out your mind to it, you can do it. Right now, I am in the process of trying to transfer out of my current university to a more prestigious one and I am committing to the fact that it will happen because I put my mind to it and I worked my ASS off to deserve a position at that school.

The Russian Roulette lands on 25 red. You had placed a bet on 14 green. Seems like luck wasn’t on your side. I mean if you keep going you might lose everything but later win everything you had been working for. Same thing in life. Maybe I decide to be an actress and be on Broadway; I will probably lose everything in the process: money, education, family life, friends, love life but I CAN do it. If I really wanted to, I could do everything in my power to get there and achieve that goal.

Cross your fingers. Maybe luck WILL end up on your side.

Good Luck.

GY

Vie vaut la peine

Listening to Acoustic French music is the best soother for a long day and it made me wonder about what we discussed in my marketing class today. The fact that there are so many subcultures and age groups and demographics that cater to what this world is. It amazes me how this world has been converting over the years towards groups, elite or not, young or old, that make a plethora of variety to what is this society.

Right now there are 6,995,930,164 living in this world. Got that out of the US Census website so I’m guessing its pretty accurate and that is ultimately the only factor that everyone has in common in this world. We are all human and live on this planet. But there is no glue that holds this society together? There is not one thing whether it be religion, culture, or interest that holds us together. Not even a simple interest of every single one of us to live. Some people, unfortunately, that do not want to live on this Earth anymore.

But there’s so much more to life. I see on Tumblr of depression and suicide but why not make that rate go down? Its really not worth taking your own life or wanting to do that to someone else. There will always be something to look forward to. Always. Even when you are at your depths and you think no one loves you, I can assure you 100% that there will always be at LEAST one person that cares about you. Hey, you know what, maybe its not even a human (I’m talking about God).

I don’t know if any of my followers are religious or spiritual at least but there is God. Whether you are Hindu, Catholic, Jewish, Buddhist, Anglican….you have a God that loves you. Anyway, that is just a completely different tangent than what I’m trying to say.

My point here is that life is beautiful. There are so many people on this planet. And there are so many phases we will end up going through but in the end life is worth living. That is what my title revolves around. After hearing that quote in one of my French songs I couldn’t help but wonder about everyone out there. Maybe our purpose is to make this world worth living, maybe our purpose is living the life we decide to live. Of course, I’m looking at the bigger picture here but its true when you think about it. There are so many wonders in this world that need to be discovered.

I love seeing people walk by, I love wondering about the lives of two lovers. How you can be a stranger one day and the next you are lovers. It amazes me about the connection of a human being and the marvels one just one human being. You can literally analyze one life, one brain, one human for years and still not have them figured out.

There are two important dates in someone’s life: the day you were born and the day you figure out your purpose on this planet. Find yours. You might realize it the day before you die, it might be tomorrow, but I have one request: make this world a better place. Make society worth being proud of in the years to come. Let’s stop fucking up our world. God’s gift to us to cherish. Be who you are.

GY

Starting from Scratch

This time I’m going to who I used to be. I’m going to back to plain and simple me. Cutting out the bad in my life and tending to the good. Why did I become this person? Why did I become what society made of me?

You know sometimes all the pleasures in life might amount to absolutely nothing. I’ve realized that over the years. Sometimes you have to take time for yourself to go back to yourself. I’m facing all the wrongs that I believe are wrong in my life. The secrets, the lying, the untimely need for a rebellious me. It’s all going to be gone this semester. And I’m starting fresh.

I want to be a pure happiness. I don’t want to succumb to society in the least bit. I want to pay attention to my faith more. I want to pay attention to my family more and be honest with them in the deepest form. I want my sister to be my best friend. To know everything about my life. I want her to trust me in its fullness.

You know sometimes what you think is the sweetest thing in life might be the most damaging. And you don’t even realize. I want to smile in its purest form. I want to be able to have conversations not words that become foreplay to an unintended “friend”. I want to focus on the friends that have pulled me through my darkest times and give them the attention they deserve. And its true. I AM most happy when I’m with them.

I want to wake up early with my family and have breakfast with them. After that I want to take a walk with my mom feeling the breeze and beams of the sun on my face. I want to be able to have a deep conversation with her without hiding anything I’m doing. Life is not supposed to be hidden, its supposed to reveal itself in its purest form.

This life is supposed to be mine so why am I trying to please everyone around me. I want the little things in life to make me happy. To look back and know that I was different and I was MYSELF. I hate having an inner struggle with myself and forgetting who I really am. I want to fall in love. I want to trust once more. Don’t know when that will happen but I want to let go of the past altogether and learn the lesson.

I despise trying to make broken promises, I just want love and peace with everyone around me. I hate fighting with friends and family and making stupid drama throughout every detail unfurling in my life. I want to be able to turn to God in my time of need and in times to just talk to him and not be ashamed of my religion. Why do people have to hide their faith and beliefs from society? Because they might judge us. Who the fuck cares?

Be you. Be proud of you.

GY

Truth

When should the truth come out? We all have a secret. Think about it. Everyone of us has something hidden from the world, from your family, from your friends. And secrets are ok. There’s no reason to make a drama about it or change your life. Your secret might be big, your secret might be small, your secret might be stupid, your secret might be life-changing.

Maybe your secret is one you would like to whisper into someone’s ear, as simple as an “I love you”. Your secret might be something from your past that you have held for so long. Maybe its one that you try to erase to feel better, one you wish would have never happened. Maybe yours is devastating. You cheated. A secret that you know will blow up in the long run.

Maybe your secret has been bouncing around your head for so long that you NEED to let it out. Maybe its the truth. The truth that you know is right but you don’t have the guts to say. Is it your sexuality? Is it your family? Is it your choices? Is it your future that depends on it? You live your daily routine every day but you don’t realize that at the end of the day you aren’t happy. You wish you could tell the world but you’re scared. Scared of what society might think? Scared of being unsuccessful? Scared of losing your friends?

Don’t be. Drop it. Forget about the judgements. If you have had a secret that is almost creeping out of your body. Say it! I opened up this weekend like I have never done before. Obviously, these are my secrets that I won’t share but I am proud I shared them with who I needed to. I’ll tell you about one of them: I was in the car with my mom (this might not have seemed like a secret but its something I needed to admit). She asked me what would make me happy at this very moment. College and major wise. You know what I said? I would KILL to be an actress/singer. Something my family has never approved of but I finally took it off my chest.

Other secrets surfaced. Secrets that I have held for 2 years, secrets that I have held for a couple of days. The truth sometimes is the right way to go. I might not be an open book at times but it feels good to not bottle my life up so much. It sucks to hold my breath so many times when in reality it is better to just be.

I have my share of past, present, and probably future secrets. But secrets sometimes bundle up inside and eat you to your core. So what about you? Have you stopped eating to look better? Have you cheated on your girlfriend with her best friend? Do you have a family issue that no one knows about? Could you be an alcoholic? Do you hate yourself? Are you in love with your best friend but can’t admit it? Are you living the life YOU want to live?

Truth is, I didn’t make those up. Through the years I’ve heard these happen. I’ve heard these secrets and maybe one of those secrets is mine. But I’ll never tell which one it is. That would just suck the fun out of trying to guess it. Maybe all of those are mine. Maybe none of them are mine.

What are your secrets? One thing is for sure, never lie to yourself about who YOU are. Have secrets. Keep them to yourself, fuck it, who cares. But ALWAYS, promise me, you will be yourself.

GY

http://www.postsecret.com/

Ordinary People-John Legend

“Ordinary People”

Dreams

I believe everyone is meant to be the best at one thing (or many things). But I think there’s one dream out there for everyone. Now the twist is that sometimes what you want the most isn’t really what you are supposed to do. What I truly want to do with my life is musical theater but I realize that I am REALLY good at what I’m already doing and yes, it DOES make me happy. I guess I’ve always wanted to “be in the spotlight” this whole time but maybe I’m better at being “behind the scenes”. It really does matter what you do in life. But why be mediocre in something when you have the chance to guarantee excel in something else.

Of course, don’t get me wrong, DREAMS are always worth living. And do it! But sometimes you have to know that you might be following the wrong one. There might be a door wide open on one end while you’re trying to hold open a creak of the door that’s closing. My mom always tells me while I’m going through these college transfer applications and auditions for shows that god knows best. Yes, I’m Catholic as you can infer from my past posts that I really believe in faith. I DO also think everything happens for a reason! So follow what YOU want!

Love: Part III

So Valentine’s Day is coming up, or should I say Single Awareness day, and I thought I would add my Part III of the “Love” chronicles. At this point in Miami, at Starbucks, at CVS we find red and pink just about everywhere we look. I look outside my office window and see signs of bars and restaurants using Valentine’s Day as a marketing ploy for all I see it as. We know that love should be shown everyday to our loved ones, including family members and friends. Unfortunately, I do not have a Valentine this year, not that I would like to celebrate Valentines Day this year. I find it too cheesy and way to tacky.

I don’t mean to be a drag about this because, on the contrary, I find it admirable to have someone to love and c’mon doesn’t everyone love to be spoiled on a certain day? Although that is the case I kind of wanted to now open up on this post about what MY take on love was. I have focused every bit of these posts on people around me that I have interviewed and about what I see in the media but haven’t focused on MY take on it.

I have said in my past posts that I feel that I didn’t believe in love. Well, believe in “being in love” especially at such an early age. Obviously I believe in the entity of love but I guess the idea of being in love was just crushed this past year. But I’m getting better.

I was having a conversation with my sister, Isa, about what I thought love was because I had claimed last year to have felt it. And I admit it. Yes, I was in love. Was it false? Was it pure? That’s not what I’m sure of. But as my first love, I am certain that I fell for the wrong guy. You feel like its the end of the world. Like everyday after this day won’t be worth it without him/her. Like you just needed to see that person every minute of every day to feel good. Every thought revolved around that person because he/she made you feel so damn good.

Well, unfortunately, when you give yourself fully to someone like that: emotionally, psychologically, physically; and then they crush that love with lies and betrayal, well, it hurts. Love hurts. Love is tough to get over. Love is the best feeling in the world but the worst at the same time. Most people look back at their past relationships and know that it was good or bad. You will always learn something from a relationship and never regret it regardless of what happened. Tragedy might be the present form of what you think of the relationship but you know you learned something and grew as a person.

This is my take on it. Talking to mom yesterday in the car she opened my eyes to how much I’ve grown up and become more myself. Something you need to realize IF you fall in love is that you MUST stay true to yourself. You must! And that’s why I stress staying who you are SO much because I’ve lost myself countless times and it’s the worst feeling in the world to realize when you are living someone else’s life. Actually, its not only bad but it truly FUCKS up your life.

I guess this Valentine’s Day you could say I will be on a break from men. To all of you out there that think that being lonely is the worst listen to this (I’ll translate in a second): “Es mejor no estar acompañado que mal acompañado”. It is better to be lonely than with a bad match. It is so much better to learn about yourself and I don’t know BLOG than be in a bad relationship tormented by the fact that there is false love and abuse. It happens.

Its sad how many times I’ve seen it happen. I don’t like to reveal too much on my Tumblr and this is the most I have let go of what I have been feeling. But just know that you don’t need love especially if you are young. It is fine to be “sola”, as they like to say in Italian. As my Italian professor told me yesterday, “L’amore è semplice, eppure così complicato”. Love is simple yet so complicated.

Live YOUR life first, then give it up for someone to share that life with you. Stay true. Stay you.

GY