Starting from Scratch

This time I’m going to who I used to be. I’m going to back to plain and simple me. Cutting out the bad in my life and tending to the good. Why did I become this person? Why did I become what society made of me?

You know sometimes all the pleasures in life might amount to absolutely nothing. I’ve realized that over the years. Sometimes you have to take time for yourself to go back to yourself. I’m facing all the wrongs that I believe are wrong in my life. The secrets, the lying, the untimely need for a rebellious me. It’s all going to be gone this semester. And I’m starting fresh.

I want to be a pure happiness. I don’t want to succumb to society in the least bit. I want to pay attention to my faith more. I want to pay attention to my family more and be honest with them in the deepest form. I want my sister to be my best friend. To know everything about my life. I want her to trust me in its fullness.

You know sometimes what you think is the sweetest thing in life might be the most damaging. And you don’t even realize. I want to smile in its purest form. I want to be able to have conversations not words that become foreplay to an unintended “friend”. I want to focus on the friends that have pulled me through my darkest times and give them the attention they deserve. And its true. I AM most happy when I’m with them.

I want to wake up early with my family and have breakfast with them. After that I want to take a walk with my mom feeling the breeze and beams of the sun on my face. I want to be able to have a deep conversation with her without hiding anything I’m doing. Life is not supposed to be hidden, its supposed to reveal itself in its purest form.

This life is supposed to be mine so why am I trying to please everyone around me. I want the little things in life to make me happy. To look back and know that I was different and I was MYSELF. I hate having an inner struggle with myself and forgetting who I really am. I want to fall in love. I want to trust once more. Don’t know when that will happen but I want to let go of the past altogether and learn the lesson.

I despise trying to make broken promises, I just want love and peace with everyone around me. I hate fighting with friends and family and making stupid drama throughout every detail unfurling in my life. I want to be able to turn to God in my time of need and in times to just talk to him and not be ashamed of my religion. Why do people have to hide their faith and beliefs from society? Because they might judge us. Who the fuck cares?

Be you. Be proud of you.

GY